A turkey sat on a back yard fence and he sang this sad, sad tune

Thanksgiving Day is coming gobble gobble gobble gobble, and I know I’ll be eaten soon

Gobble gobble gobble, gobble gobble gobble gobble, I would like to run away

Gobble gobble gobble, gobble gobble gobble gobble, I don’t like Thanksgiving Day

Yes, it’s a festive time for everybody, except the turkey of course (see above), but hey – you can never please everybody, can you?  The Tidbits staff would like to wish you all a Happy and safe Thanksgiving.  As for the holiday content, today’s ‘bits can simply be called “Cards you wish Hallmark made”.

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After meeting you...

(inside card) I changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(inside card) I never believed in Hell until I met you.

Congratulations on your promotion.  Before you go...

(inside card) Will you take the knife from my back?  You'll probably need it again.

Someday I hope to marry...

(inside card) Someone other than you.

You are such a good friend, if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(inside card) I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

My favorite today:

Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

(inside card) What was I thinking?

It’s TURKEYSQUEEZER time again! A special 1:30 PM deadline today to avoid the Holiday rush.  Turkeysqueezers are similar to Brainsqueezers, but they’re more tender and juicy - if they’re prepared correctly, of course.

1.  Wild turkeys can run in bursts of ( 10 mph; 17 mph; 25 mph ) 25 MPH

2.  How many states do NOT have wild turkeys? ( one, two; eight ) ONE (ALASKA)

3.  About how many Native Americans were at the first Thanksgiving dinner?  ( 12; 38; 90 ) 90

4.  Strict vegetarians won’t eat turkey, but they do eat a vegetarian substitute called ( Vegabreast; Soybird; Tofurkey ) TOFURKEY

5.  What do you call the brightly colored growths on the Turkey’s throat that turn bright red when the turkey is upset or angry?  ( snood; caruncle; wattle ) CARUNCLE

TIEBREAKER: The American Poultry Association recognizes how many different types of turkeys? EIGHT

OBSCURE EXTRA BONUS QUESTION: Everyone knows that a male turkey is called a tom and a female is a hen, but what is a young turkey called? A POULT

Looks like it will be a truly happy Thanksgiving for PHIL, who got 4 right to win it outright over Carolee, Norman, and Mike V, who each got 3.  Phil was also the only one to get the obscure question right, with other answers including chick, fryer, “foul fool” (?), and from our frequent smart-alec – Hannah Montana.  Those who guessed “jake” or jenny” were technically correct (jake is a young male, jenny is a young female), but ALL of the young ones are called poults, and that’s the answer I was looking for.  Tiebreaker answers went from 2 up to 27, and there were no holiday skunks today.  Congrats to Phil, and have a great holiday – see you in December!

          MJB